What If There Were 25 Hours In Every Day?

A new study by scientists has revealed that the rotation of the Earth's inner core has now been slowing down for the past 15 years.

So why is this happening?

Well, even though I'd love to blame Superman for this burgeoning backtrack since he obviously lacks the coping skills of his inferior human counterparts after spinning the planet in reverse so he could go back in time to prevent the death of Lois Lane (in the 1978 movie), the exact reason for this unexpected retrograde motion appears to be unknown at the moment.

So what is this tellurian lollygag going to mean for those who inhabit the backside of our solar system's perpetual Mother-of-the-Year?

Well, the eggheads behind the study say the deceleration could actually lead to an overall slowing in the rotation of the Earth, which in turn would create a longer day for us all.

But before you become overwhelmed with any feelings of Daylight Saving Time-like delight or dread, it's important to note that the difference would likely be measured in only fractions of seconds and be completely imperceptible, except to the most anal-retentive Rolex wearers among our kind.

Nevertheless, the notion of a day on Earth getting suddenly longer does present some intriguing possibilities for both delight and dread within the human paradigm, so I thought we should take a look at a few of them just for fun.

Instead of impalpable microseconds, however, we'll base our theoretical model on an extra hour being added to every day of the year.

And since none of us know just exactly how long we have left here on Earth, slightly-longer days or not, let's start with the good news that a more torpidly turning version of Earth might bring us.

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At the moment, those of us living in the United States, with the exception of Arizonans and Hawaiians - as well as the residents in five U.S. territories, already experience one 25-hour day every year. That being the day when we turn back our clocks in observance of Daylight Saving Time (please stop adding the 's' to the end of Saving btw, thankfully this is one day of the year that the banks don't get to take off). But most of us don't really seem to do much with it.

However, an additional hour every day of the year would add up to 365 extra hours annually (366 on Leap Years), and that equates to a little over 15 extra days on the calendar, which would be a pretty big deal.

If this were the case, the first thing we might rejoice about is the extra half-hour of daylight we'd get every day, and assuming the additional 60 minutes would be split evenly in celestial terms, the extra 30 minutes of darkness for all the vampires and gravediggers to lurk around within while the rest of us all slept in longer!

Another bi-product of a consistent 25-hour day would be that your favorite places to hang out would likely opt to be open during the additional time. That would translate into perpetually longer business days for bars, restaurants, malls, golf courses, bowling alleys, amusement parks, petting zoos, and everything else we can't get enough of in our leisure time. Why, who knows? Perhaps baseball leagues would make all their games ten innings and they'd add a fifth quarter to football games and a fourth period for hockey? (Soccer matches imo are already agonizingly long and should not further encourage their fans to riot by being any lengthier).

When it comes to money and finances, you'd also have the chance to be a little fatter in the wallet too, since the stock market might stay open longer and you could get the option of working that extra hour for some over-overtime wages. You'd also have more time every year to pay your taxes and every month to settle your bills.

Around the holidays, the bonus hour would be especially rewarding, since no one could possibly argue a change to the "13 Days of Christmas", which means the classic carol could add a verse detailing something else that no one has ever wanted as a gift and all Advent calendars would be able to include an extra Jesus-shaped piece of chocolate to celebrate the season.

One of the coolest items which might occur as the result of a life on Planet Earth with a 25th daily hour, is the possibility of a 13 o'clock being added to all timepieces. Although technically, I suppose it would have to be a 12.5 o'clock to make the math work properly, but I'd still be all in for this shakeup since watching the clock would become like being a spectator at a Canadian Football League game.

But although there'd be plenty of things to cheer about if the Earth decided to get a bit lazy and offer up an extra hour every day, there would also certainly be some negative repercussions to expect which shouldn't go unnoted.

Despite my mentioning the day's newfound hour providing the onus for additional overtime earnings, the corporate boardrooms and bosses of the world would no doubt see this as an opportunity to increase their own profits by demanding greater production with a mandatory nine-hour work day (although we all know the unions would surely take a kickback to get this down to eight-and-a-half for the commoner).

As for the holidays, while it's true that a bonus confection fashioned in the shape of a religious icon or gleefully singing something like "thirteen peacocks a peeing" might be nice, that extra hour would also mean you'd have to spend more time with your in-laws, wait even longer to open all your presents, and a further protraction of the waking Capitalist night terror that has become Black Friday.

For many men and bearded ladies at circuses planetwide, the added 60 minutes would also cause the faithful five o'clock shadow to show up at around 4:49, high noon would be delayed by a half-an-hour for train robbers and dueling gunmen everywhere, and potheads would need to adjust the time of their daily joint to 4:28.

On top of all these hardships, a few of the worst things the world would have to endure if a 25-hour day became our reality would be more compounding interest on credit cards, an extra 60 minutes for pain, fear, hunger, and anxiety to occur, and an even longer Super Bowl pre-game show.

In conclusion, perhaps it was indeed those sagacious poets of the 1980s, Night Ranger, who best summarized what an extra hour would mean to us all within the lyrics of their eponymous tune to the soundtrack of the Michael J. Fox movie The Secret of My Success:

"Worlds collide and hearts will be broken
Over and over it's the same every day
How can I say what has never concerned me
The secret of my success is I'm living 25 hours a day"

So for now, here's to keeping things as 24-7 as possible until 25-7 actually happens.