The Six Most Obnoxious Colors To Paint Your House

Summer is almost here and that means it's house painting season in the Northern Hemisphere.

While a lot of folks won't be getting out the brushes and pails and suspending themselves in precarious postures from a ladder to reach the nooks of their soffits and crannies of their downspouts...or just writing a check to have the professionals do it all, plenty of people will endeavor - one way or the other, to slap a new coat of latex on the family abode.

Most of the folks who do paint their house this summer will likely go with the same or a similar color as the one it already is, while others will opt for something new, but very probably a choice of hue that could easily be considered traditional or at the very wildest, just a little outside the norm.

However, if you're feeling particularly adventurous or you absolutely despise your neighbors and are either not subject to, or are willing to test the extremities of the bylaws that govern your subdivision's HOA, you could opt for something more bold...or by most estimations - downright appalling.

And so, I give you the six most-obnoxious colors to paint your house, if for whatever reason, you really feel like it.

NEON PINK

Yes it's true, John Cougar Mellancamp did sing about "little pink houses" in an affectionate tone during the 1980s, and Barbie still resides in a mansion clad in pink from apex to foundation, and the pink dwellings related to each are still a seemingly sane enough choice for homeowners everywhere.

But that's a certain kind of pink, of course. If you go bubble gum, cotton candy or the pelt of the Pink Panther, then you'll probably not leave the neighbors seeing anything more red in color.

However, neon pink is a different story. Sure it likely won't be a problem if you live among a cluster of other bombastic burrows with a highlighter-colored exterior in places like Central or South America, but at just about any turn in the good ol' U.S. of A., it'll get your blocked knocked off by the neighbors, and your home knocked off the block by the city's code enforcement officer.

HUNTER ORANGE

Hunters wear camouflage to blend in with their surroundings when amongst the trees in the woods, and they also slap an eye-popping orange vest atop those fatigues to stand out so other hunters won't mistake them for something else and shoot them.

Well, just imagine flipping that script when you're outside your home and perfectly blending in with its exterior color thanks to that nuclear orange vest that'll have your neighbors wanting to take some shots at you knowing full well exactly where you're standing.

Let's face it, any home that you return to every day that's the same color as all that orange you just saw while stuck in traffic just trying to get there doesn't paint a happy scenario for anyone who lives there...or next door.

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PURPLE

Sure, there are a few purple houses here and there. We've all seen 'em. But many of them are a dainty shade of light purple like lavender or periwinkle that adorn older Victorian-style homes which are already curtsying with whimsical lines and charming frills.

However, when a home looks more like a giant eggplant or the kind of place that would be featured on the TV show Cribs if Grimace lived there, then it's going to draw the nasty out of your neighbors who will all want to give you a left eye in a matching shade of aubergine.

In recent years, painting the front door of a home purple has become a rather sweeping trend, as it's said to bring good luck and offer a pop of interest to what might be an otherwise vanilla set of outer walls. But it's probably best to stop there and not go any further. Think of it in the same way you would in wanting to keep a varicose vein from spreading if your leg was your house!

METALLIC GOLD

The only reference to a metallic gold house I've ever been aware of is from an episode of The Simpsons where a homeless man with a suddenly-inflated ego finds himself in a rags-to-millions scenario. Outside of that specific cartoon setting, I've never seen a metallic gold house in real life.

I'm quite certain there are a few fictional live-action characters who reside in a metallic gold abode, like C-3PO from Star Wars and the character Mike Myers portrayed in the third installment of the Austin Powers franchise, Goldmember.

Heck, there might have even been a few real flesh-and-blood celebrities who would've at least wanted a metallic gold pad during the 70s or 80s, like Dionne Warwick, the Gibb Brothers or Mr. T.

But the thought of someone living next door who's home is actually metallic gold really makes one's stomach turn. I mean, imagine a house that would not only be completely turgid in outward persona but also have the ability to blind you with just a passing glance on any given day with even a little sunshine.

METALLIC SILVER

If we have metallic gold on our list, then we've surely gotta mention metallic silver.

Just think of it - a house on your block that looks more like a delicatessen done in stainless steel than a place to call home!

Be prepared to hate the people who live there with an immense passion for allowing you to see all of the flaws in your hair, car, and makeup as you drive by its reflective surfaces on a daily basis.

And if you think a solid gold house would potentially blind you with every ray of sunshine that snuck through the clouds, just think about what that chrome trailer hitch on joists sitting ten yards away from your property line could do to your peepers!

BLACK

Now, this one's a bit tricky, since painting homes in monochromatic black has become a trend recently that's getting some approbation and positive attention.

That said, all of the houses I've seen featured in Better Homes & Gardens and on HGTV that have the all-black thing going on are either brand new and big or ostentatiously historic.

Just try painting your own little shanty black from top to bottom and see what happens. The neighbors will see it as a reason to burn it to the ground with the excuse that it'll stay the same color, so what's the difference? That is, if you don't already cook to death inside before they can light the match!

Even though having a domicile that's kick-ass black without even a speck of an accent color to be found might win you some fans inside the local chapter of the Hell's Angels club, it will generally be viewed as completely offense and a desperate move to look tough in the guise of inextricable wimpdom.