How to Help Children Grieve After Tragedy

In the wake of the tragedy striking North Central Washington this week, many families are struggling to process the loss. Many are wondering how to help their children do the same.

Experts say it’s okay not to have the right words, but there are ways to support young ones as they grieve. That includes those mourning the deaths of 9-year-old Paityn, 8-year-old Evelyn, and 5-year-old Olivia Decker, or coping with any other kind of loss.

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Dr. Patrick Carrillo, a licensed psychologist and the Clinical Director of Behavioral Health at Confluence Health, says conversations you have with your children are going to vary based on age and developmental level of your child.

"Every parent knows their kid best," Dr. Carrillo said. "It really depends on your child. It starts with, just be honest...  you don't have to give all the details."

Dr. Carrillo says one sign your child is ready to have a more in-depth conversation about the event itself is if they are asking specific questions. He says there's no need to hide the truth from them because they already heard it.

He also says there's no easy answer for signals their child is suppressing or dealing with grief they haven't talked about. There will be varying levels based on how well your child knew the victims. Sometimes you may notice children behaving out of character and expressing unusual amounts of anger or sadness.

Dr. Carrillo says it's important to address those issues if you spot those kinds of behaviors.

"It's going to look different across children, so it's really up to parents to notice these signs and then communicate," Dr. Carrillo said. "If you're asking the question, you're showing 'I see this, I care about you enough to want to help,' sometimes that's enough."

Dr. Carrillo advises parents who are grieving themselves to reach out to a trusted friend or family member who might be struggling to come to terms with the events. He says it's a balance between being honest with your children about how you feel about the event, but also be careful to not overwhelm them so they don't feel like they have to take care of you.

If all else fails for you or your child, Dr. Carrillo says you and your child's primary care provider will know their patient best, and if you're concerned about your child or your own mental health, don't be afraid to reach out for help.